So this is something that I felt I needed to write and publish. Of course I wanted to write it as well but I feel like I need to do this because so many people need to hear it. I get DM’s on instagram regularly from lovely lovely people, who will obviously stay anonymous, and honestly the messages I get sent break my heart. The general theme of them is something like this: How do you do it? (it being having body confidence or being confident in my body) or I wish I could feel like that in my body or How do you have so much confidence? It breaks my heart and I just wanna give each of those people a cuddle. But then part of me thinks why are they thinking or asking me this in the first place. I blame society and how it’s conditioned everyone to think that one version of appearance is the acceptable one. It’s a lie. There is no such thing as perfect and every body is beautiful in it’s own way and I wish that everyone could see that. So I have decided to make a little list or a guide on how any of you out there that are struggling to embrace your body for what it is can start to do just that. Obviously being confident in yourself is so much more than just reading something and it instantly happening and you believing it straight away because it takes time, practice and a complete mindset change but this is just a starting point. I have some tips on what I did to get to where I am in terms of this and I thought I would share them here as a blog post so if you ever need them they’re here. I really hope this can help someone out there. My 20 tips to becoming more confident in your body: 1. You have to realise that this is a process and it’s not just gonna come to you like an epiphany overnight. It could take weeks, months and even years. It took me years. So just be patient . It’s a journey, the process is as important as the destination. 2. You have to change how you think and react to certain situations. Situations being: trying something on in a fitting room for example. Becoming confident in your body starts in your mind with your thoughts. Again this takes time and practice. Just keep at it. Sometimes it will feel like you’re getting nowhere but I swear you are. 3. Curate your feeds and socials. Follow accounts that inspire you and help you to own your body, maybe follow accounts that have a similar body type to you or are body positivity advocates. Don’t follow accounts that make you feel unworthy or prompt you to compare yourself against them. So that's why I follow people and hashtags to do with mid size style and some plus size as well as I fall under both sometimes because then I am seeing content from people who are just like me body type wise: no comparison to something unrealistic. 4. Take baby steps. This process takes time and there's no rush to get anywhere. Taking a baby step is better than taking no step at all. 5. Sleep naked. Trust me on this. There is a link in some studies between sleeping naked and feeling more secure in yourself. I’m not just making that up I’ve seen other people sharing it and taking about it as well. If you think this is impossible and completely not doable start small. So one night sleep without your top clothes on but with bottoms and then another night swap it round. Eventually if you keep doing that you’ll get used to it and then hopefully you’ll get to a stage where you just sleep without both or even WANT to sleep without both. Now be nice here because I’ve never shared this before but… I do sleep naked now and again. More so in the summer months mainly due to the heat and lack of air conditioning in the UK but yeah. It’s nice and that is the truth and sometimes I just want to because I can. And it has helped me to feel more confident in my body. Truly. 6. You have to look at yourself naked so your body becomes normal to you and you understand how it looks, moves and feels. After you’ve showered or had a bath is a good time to do this. Literally study your body like a painting or sculpture. You probably think I’m mad and some of you will find this impossible to do. But please just try it, because the more you look at your body the more normal and familiar it will become to you and then you start to feel better about it and less thoughts of 'oh my god I don’t look like people in the media and everyone else' will pop into your head. If it gets too much then do stop it, but this really does work so if you can do it then fab. As a society we’ve been conditioned to think that one type of body is the norm because it’s all we see in the media and only one type is represented so you think that yours is not 'normal'. But I promise you that it is and it’s societies fault for not representing and showing enough body types. Your feelings are totally valid. There isn't just one 'normal' body type nowadays, it's so diverse and every body is worthy and deserves to be loved. 7. In one ear and out the other. A great policy to live by for whenever anyone tries to bring you down or make you feel bad about yourself or make you feel like you’re not enough just as you are. Because you ARE enough. Promise. Just let it go through you and ignore anything negative or bad that anyone says to you about your body. You don’t need that negative energy or those people and honestly for someone to spend their time doing that shows an issue on their part and not with you. 8. Understand that generational differences exist but try to ignore them a best as you can. It is more common for different body types to be accepted nowadays compared to the old days. In terms of fashion or clothing choices. What your family might deem inappropriate is different now to how it was back in their day. Do what you want and wear what you want to. Life is too short to not wear that shirt or dress or skirt you want to wear. Even now I still get looks of disapproval from mainly my mom and some family members but I just ignore them and politely say that this is what I want to wear, you can wear what you want to and I’m not forcing you to wear the same as me. It’s my decision. 9. Love yourself… and yes I mean in the physical sense (and for some the dirty sense) as well as in an emotional way. Feel yourself all over and you’ll soon see how amazing your body is and what it can do. 10. Understand what clothing suits you and your body type. Research it. It’s a faff at first but so worth when you know. Like for me, I now know to avoid bodycon dresses at all costs because they make me feel bad and are not flattering to my body type. Due to my IBS and that it makes my stomach bloat really badly they make me look and feel like I’m 6 months pregnant. Yeah, not cool guys. So if there is something that doesn’t make you feel good when you wear it just don’t wear it, even if everyone else wears it and it's deemed a cool trend. Just do you. 11. Understand that everyone is different and that we all have different shapes. Some are curvy and some are not. Each and every one is beautiful. 12. Representation is still a mess. Progress is starting to be made but it takes time. And most of the people you see online or in the media are still the typical: fair skinned, sometimes airbrushed (big fat no from me), slim but with curves in the right places, fairly flat chested and toned with no scars, stretch marks or cellulite. Just because you can't see anyone in the media who is the same as you it does NOT mean that your body type isn’t right or not good enough. It’s the media’s fault for being pricks and being unrealistic and setting a bad example. And by no means am I discrediting girls that look like that but it is the general theme that girls in ad campaigns and in the media have that kind of builder body type. It’s just how it is right now but hopefully it’ll change. 13. See each day as an opportunity to show off how amazing you are. I mean this in many ways but mainly in a fashion sense. Wear that outfit you wanna wear. Clash colours, wear a bold print or wear something you’ve been too scared to wear for so long. Just do it. You cant spend your life living in fear. So what if you turn heads? At the end of the day they’re probably jealous that you have the balls to wear something bold and they don’t. 14. You think people are looking at you but they honestly aren’t. So just own it sis!!! People are too busy these days to care and most are either looking at their phone or rushing around living their lives to study what you’re wearing. 15. Something you have could be the one thing that someone else wants more than anything in the world. So you are lucky as shit to have what you have and to be alive every day to live. Like for me sometimes I cannot stand my naturally curly and thick hair, it can be annoying, but then people who have thinner hair that is dead straight say they would love to have curly hair like mine. See what I mean? Or you could hate your curves and someone out there could want curves more than anything. 16. It’s not just bigger people who struggle with this. ANYONE can have body confidence issues. So no judging okay!! Body confidence and body positivity isn’t exclusive to just bigger girls and boys. Anyone can advocate for body positivity. 17. Try and see how others see you. If they think you’re fab, sexy and gorgeous then you probably are sister. So listen to them!!! 18. When people give you compliments try to accept them instead of deflecting them or rejecting them straight away. This took me ages to learn how to do and even this time last year I was still rejecting every compliment I ever got, especially from my ex. It just takes practice and again you have to change your reaction to them. And now I don’t reject them anymore. 19. DO NOT SUCCUMB TO DIET CULTURE. It’s all a load of crap. It’s short term and it never works. It’s manipulative and uses how bad people feel about themselves and exploits it to make a profit. It's so so wrong on every level. You don’t need that. All I say is moderation is key and exercise when you can. 20. You are beautiful. I’m serious. I hope that this post helps someone out there that reads it. Even if it’s just one person then that means it was worth me writing it. I hope one day we can live in a world where all bodies are accepted and loved and appreciated as equals and everyone loves themselves as much as they love other people. It breaks my heart that we’re not there yet but we are definitely on the way. To whoever is reading this, I love you and you’re beautiful inside and out. Got it. Take care of yourselves and please please please don’t hate yourselves for a second longer. Life is too short. Love Jade xxx
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